Things I Never Say

I never mention how I don't like psychiatrists. I do not talk about how I am not friends with anyone on Fb. I think I should say it now. I guess it can explode again if I do not say it every once an a while. I do not like college. I am always doing homework. I cannot escape needing a degree. I do not think I will enjoy the job I can get if I do graduate. These days, I am not sure if I will on time. I do not like a lot of things about my life, but if I do not go to college it will get worse. So, I work really hard in school. 

Happier Alone

Today I went to see the psychiatrist. I hate seeing them with a passion. I do not think they are real doctors or that they are smart enough to help anyone with a serious problem. I do not like them personally and would not tell them my problems. I do not plan to ever sue them for malpractice because I do not think I would win. Their medications have so many side effects that they cannot be safe to take. I do not think I will live that long because I took them for so long. Real doctors do no harm and help people. I think the help some people think they are getting from psychiatrists is in their heads. All their medications have the same side effects like they are the same pill. The antipsychotic drugs all lie to you and tell you they give you hypoglycemia like it is not as bad as diabetes, but it is basically the same thing. I do not know if they are even different pills the way they have the same side effects?

I received the most devastating news. I do not want to be that successful or famous. I need my privacy. I do not want to write any more songs or books. I am glad they did not do that well. I do not want to travel. There is nothing anyone I do not like can do to help me. They really do not understand or know me. I do not want to talk to them about it or see them again. I'm telling you, these psychiatrist people. I have hated them for years. They have no cure and should not be allowed to force their pills down your throat without one. They make me so angry, but there is nothing I can do about it. A dumb institution that will stay. I do not plan to ever marry anyone who makes me take their dumb pills or thinks they have a cure all treatment that doesn't make sense. 

I feel like it's me against the world. I hate so many. I am happier alone. 

Blocking Spree

I went on a blocking spree this week. There is this guy who disappeared from the face of the Earth about 8 years ago. I could not find him anywhere on social media. He reappeared this week and I got so angry. I think he's blocked me for 8 years. So, now that he's okay for whatever dumb reason, I blocked him. I just do not get along with some people. Seems like it is more natural to stay blocked after that long. He's popping up on Instagram and Linkedin, and I got so angry. I blocked him and other people who treat me like trash. They act like I am nothing. They flush my life down the toilet and expect me to thank them for it. They've got problems if they think I ever will. I hate these people. I am tired of trying to be their friend. It's not worth it. 

How My Week Has Been

I feel like college adds structure to my life. They assign me things, and I have a reason to read large sums of chapters when I would not on my own. I'm glad to be here. I do a lot of walking from where I live to my classes. I get my days started early and have a cup of coffee sometimes. I need to leave 20-30 minutes before I want to get there to get there ten minutes early. I started my paper today for an writing intensive class. I came up with a great idea. Now, I just need to find a case study that helps answer my question. I think I finally got this writing thing down with my last writing intensive class on sustainability. I was making A's on my papers. It's all about the editing process to weed out careless mistakes for me. 

I was looking over my classes this semester, and I began to see their vision for students. These classes could give me valuable knowledge that I can use directly in a construction management position. They complement each other, and this major is really good about applying math and science that you normally learn about theoretically. I'm in an equipment management, construction accounting, cost control and scheduling, quality and human resource management, and marketing class this semester. I am already seeing smart marketing strategies that could help me in the future. There are things I could do better. That is for sure. I am seeing the vision they have for me. They want me to be a better communicator and be a responsible construction manager who has ethics. They want me to write about how I plan to ensure quality control on the construction site. I think that is a great idea-- using writing to encourage ethical practices in quality and sustainability (a previous writing intensive course). Developing better speaking skills to communicate with all members of the construction team will help in the real world. 

Adjusting to College Life

I have been getting to know my roommate. She is an elementary education major, a senior, and a Christian. I think that is a pretty good roommate match. I got my books and things together for classes tomorrow. It will be a busy day. I have three classes. They do not start until 9:30 in the morning. I hope to have a good start to this year.

I got my Fire TV up and running. My hall is really nice this year. There is separate laundry and a kitchenette on our hall although I am not on the first floor. I have a view of the front of the building. I do not have to take my trash out. I put it in the trash room.

I had a lot of quiet time to think and prepare for next year this weekend. I think I'm ready. 

Moving into ECU

 I moved in on campus at ECU. It was really hard. There were long lines at the elevator. I rolled my luggage a long way from the parking lot to the hall. I was rolling. Somehow I moved everything up to my room myself. My mom, who is handicapped from a broken neck, walks slowly and only uses one arm. It’s her left arm but she is right-handed. So, I was on my own with my brother working Friday and the weekend.

We found my keys somehow. I did not know where I was going. It gets more and more complicated finding the key location. We had to go to Minges Hall of Fame near Minges Stadium. We stumbled on it and there were check in signs. You had to wait for hours for a good parking spot. So, we parked as close as we could. I had to pick up mail and clean my room once I got my things upstairs. This was an all day process since I was alone. I ate at the dinning hall. They had cheeseburgers.

I’m glad I made it. It was like a test moving in.

Unfaithful Book Ideas

These days, you can never be sure if a man is single. When what what they offer seems too good to be true, they probably could be caught in a lie.

It is hard to believe so many successful guys are single. You really never know if you were their only woman. They always have such an clever story that excuses them from all your suspicions. I don’t believe guys that are always making excuses. Something’s just not right if they need to keep making them up.

They’re really unfaithful.

What do you think of my book idea?

Do you have what it takes to be unfaithful? It takes nerve and complete detachment from someone you used to care about. Time has gone by and strong feelings have faded. You don’t even hide that you are cheating like you used to do. They are too blinded by hurt to see what is staring them right in the eye. You’re cheating on them and are getting sloppy. You don’t care enough to cover it up.

You don’t love him like you used to, and he doesn’t cheat like he used to. His eyes are empty when he looks across the dinner table. His words don’t carry any weight with you anymore. You brush them off like white lies. Why are you still together? I guess it started with making sense, but sense is not enough to keep a marriage together.

This was an excerpt from my brainstorming for an Unfaithful novel. I have so many things I want to do in the next two years. I do not know when I’ll have time or energy to finish a novel. However, it’s rewarding to have someone read my ideas online.