I Was Just a Child

I was just a child when I went to high school. I was not making the best decisions. I think a lot of courts sympathize with this fact when they sentence minors. You are not ready for life. What would I have done if I got pregnant? I was just not ready for anything big to happen to me. I was not ready for a serious relationship. I had crushes. I was missing out. I still do not know if there are so many math geniuses who plan to live in NC and graduate every year. Most of these people move to a metropolitan area. Maybe the School of Science and Math should be in New York or California like Julliard. Although I was not making smart decisions as a teenager, it was extremely easy to kick me out of the school. I took so many humanities classes and really stood out. I was not holding a gun to anyone's head. The year I applied, I was interested in biology. Before I started at the school, this interest shifted to plant biology. I met a professor in a summer program that knew how to name all kinds of plants. I thought that was interesting. Years later, I am still into all types of trees. It helps me to know about lumber in construction management. I did a project on lumber for a residential class. We got extra credit for being the best group. I had no idea I would major in construction one day back then. Who knew? 

Amazing things have been happening over the last few years. I think my left brain is unconscious and is starting to wake up. Until know, I have been compensating with my right-brain. I have always been good in school. I did well on my fourth and seventh grade writing tests. I got a competitive SAT score the second time I took it in tenth grade. I think I have been doing everything with my right brain. It is smarter than the left side and is creative and smart. I am into writing songs, dancing, working with bright colors in art, writing, math, and languages. I also found out I could do problem solving. I solve hard problems and working with me by giving me lots of hard problems to solves helps me form more connections between my left and right brain. I am African, and most of them are good at math. A lot of them become nurses and doctors. They speak many languages. My right brain solves hard problems. If my left brain woke up, I could do more numbers in my head. There are times when I am working for hours on homework, and I just see an answer that is not creative. It's extra smart. It is cool. I see an easy way to look at problems. I notice a small detail that changes everything. So, it makes me think if all of my brain was conscious my left side is smart with construction engineering. I would not take so long to study if it was awake. I would read things one time and remember small details better. The way I am able to compensate. It would look smarter if all of my brain was awake. I think my left brain has photographic memory. I have no conscious picture on my right brain, but I am turning and turning to a page like I know what it looks like unconscious where I remember reading the exact answer to a question during open note quizzes. If both sides of my brain was creative, I do not think I would have made such high SAT scores or passed physics and geology. Maybe I could sing better like the people on Sunday Best. When I work harder, I can still make a smart grade. Given more time, I catch mistakes I make. If I was awake, I would catch them faster. I would solve the math problems faster. 

Most of my body is deeply asleep. My internal organs, DNA, breathing, heartbeat, and many parts of my brain are not conscious. What if my DNA was conscious? There is so much information in every cell. I must be a genius there. I have got things to look forward to. I wish I could wake myself up. I would not struggle so much if everything was awake. Maybe my records would go platinum and my books would be made into movies. I want to know my reason for being here. I am deeply interested in physics. I wish I knew the equation for the theory of everything to explain my existence. I have tried writing some. I think it may be so smart it is simple like E = MC^2. Physics makes amazing things possible. I am missing out not being smart enough to understand all of it. 

I was thinking about God. A thought crossed my mind that deeply comforted me. I am understood and I am known by God. He does not think I am weird. The hairs on my head are numbered. There is a cure for every disease in Heaven. God is a genius who is omniscient (knows everything). If you know that much, then all things are possible. That takes the limits off of you. It is therapy for me to think people living in Heaven (the cloud of witnesses christians believe from the Bible) do not think I am weird. I feel alone sometimes, but that thought helped me tremendously last week.